When you act in any kind of non-conforming way, you tend to get a lot of skepticism and doubt from your friends. When I tell my friends about the path I want to choose, or that I believe in doing things a certain way (entrepreneurship, one-set workouts, bulletproof diet, bitcoin, conferences, going nomadic, credit card game) and they tell me that its risky, illogical, arrogant. Given my context and research, i know I'm right, and all I want to do is to prove them wrong.
One day I’ll show them, I think to myself, One day they’ll get that I was right all along. Unfortunately, in most cases, proving my friends wrong is almost always disappointing. I put in all this effort and energy…emotion and when I finally build up a case to bring to my friend, what do I get? Sometimes denial, “Oh what? I never said that”. As I press on they deny a little less, “I said that yeah, but what I meant was actually…"
Sometimes I get deflection; my friend will just change the subject of the conversation, or they’ll get really tired all of a sudden are no longer able to pay attention.
Surprisingly, I do get the answer I'm looking for quite often. But even when I finally get to hear, “Yeah Lawrence, you were right man, I shouldn’t have doubted you”, its not satisfying. I'm not going to try to make it more satisfying either by gloating in their face, so I just accept their reply and continue the conversation. And in that moment I feel that there should be something more, because a simple admittance does not make up for the years of sweat and tears I poured in to trying to prove them wrong.
And you should keep that in mind while you grind too. There’s plenty of good reasons to work hard and pound through, but if proving your friends wrong is the main reason, you’ll be left feeling empty at the end.
What you said bring me back to my gap year to China. When I was getting my Chinese course online, my teacher told me that never make Chinese feel lose face,they took mianzi as a really important thing.I couldn't get tip at the first time as for I am a frank and straightforward person and if I was right, I would insist on it and prove it.And I think the real friend is the one who can point out my fault that I can be correct it and to be a better man.
While now, I still hold my view that friends should be frank to each other, but I think the occasion and purpose matters,too. You need to care about your friends feeling and self-esteem. And there's no need to prove that other view is wrong.
No man is perfect. What we should do as a friend is not to prove my friends are wrong but to point their fault out in a proper way and helped he to correct.
I find normal conversations pretty boring, its just that its the same getting-to-know-you fluff. I want to get straight to saying and talking about what’s interesting, however, this leads to breaking rapport and sometimes people will think you’re weird.
So an easy way to keep the conversation congruent and I don’t know why I never realized this, is to tell the person you’re conversing with of any anticipated breaks in rapport. Basically, tell them ahead of time if you’re going to act a little different from the norm.
Say you’re at a networking event. The question you answer most is “What do you do?”. Say your ideal answer is something elaborate like:
I help tech excutives that are focused on company growth fine tune their project management, and work with their UX/UI team to make their product more scalable.
If anyone else is like me, they have more than one 'version' of themselves and each one serves almost a different purpose. For example, I'm the happy, confident and generally carefree me in front of my friends and mostly my family, however, with a certain group of my friends, the closer ones to me the people I actually trust, I also show them the me when I'm down and vulnerable. And of course with my lover I show him all of me, when I'm happy and carefree as well as when Im troubled or depressed ^ ^
So that's images - what other people show us and what we choose to show other people. Next is masks. Basically the same but with more of a 'hiding' element to it. So for example, a few days back I was feeling super depressed, really sick of life and I was only online to try and distract myself from my suicidal thoughts when a friend began talking to me. Talking to him, I had to act completely normal, which to be honest can be pretty tiring especially when I was already feeling so exhausted mentally to begin with.
Wearing masks in front of people has become basically second nature to me and I do it naturally like everyone else, to hide my weaknesses from other people. Not only my friends but my family, pretending I'm ok even when inside I'm torn apart. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not playing it like I'm the only person on earth who does this, I have to yet to find someone who doesn't, but I just want some more opinions on this and maybe some clarification as to why I don't feel like I can trust my family?
Also, I'm really selfish. Even when I hide my pain from other people, I sort of still expect them to notice I'm not ok, really selfish I know and basically seeking attention but sometimes I think we all need that- someone who can understand how youre feeling without you telling them. My boyfriend always somehow seems to be able to tell that I'm feeling depressed sometimes even before I notice which is pretty crazy but also rather nice; knowing theres someone out there you don't have to act in front of, who loves you and understands you and knows you as well as you know yourself ^ ^
Next is 'worlds', not literal worlds hence why its in quotation marks. Like many people, I keep my personal and family life apart. Yes I call it personal not social simply cuz I find that I 'socialize' with people I don't trust and include my friends as part of 'personal' since these are the people I trust.